


Healing

by ShadowMelly



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angsty Levi, Bottom Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Drunk Levi!, Fluff, Lonely Erwin, M/M, Oral Sex, Spoilers for episode 21, Top Erwin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-09
Updated: 2014-08-12
Packaged: 2018-02-12 12:25:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2109852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadowMelly/pseuds/ShadowMelly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi would never be able to fool Erwin. After the butchering of Levi's squad, it is up to the Commander to pick up the pieces.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. To Touch Him

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Shingeki No Kyojin nor do I make any profit with this fanfic.

Blue eyes narrowed as they followed a dark haired man walking painfully straight towards his office. The way he carried himself, so confident, brought a spark of hope to the battered and broken soldiers. It was always like this. No matter what happened, as long as Humanity's Strongest was with them, there was still hope. It was amazing really how someone could bring up that amount of morale with their presence alone. Every single one of them would follow Levi to death.

All of them…and Erwin. But Levi would never fool Erwin. Behind that powerful and seemingly indifferent persona lied a pitiful human being that was desperately clinging to the fleeting happy moments in his life; moments that were now bitter memories. He was denying himself the right to grieve for the sake of his duty. While the other soldiers cried, he was the one who showed them crying wouldn't bring them back. While the others were in denial, he was the one who made sure the respective families were informed of the deceased.

It pained Erwin to see him like this. How long has Levi been carrying this burden? When did Levi decide that he had to be the strongest?

When the hall cleared and everyone was tucked in their beds, battling their inner demons, Erwin could not take it anymore. He silently made his way to Levi's room. Pausing at the door, his lips frowned as he raised his fist to knock-

"Come in, Erwin."

Sustaining a gasp of surprise, Erwin smirked in amusement before it quickly fell into his neutral features. He had never been the silent type.

Entering and closing the door slowly behind him, Erwin's gaze shifted to the silhouette near the window. It did not surprise him that the room was pitch black. He could smell the lingering scent of cleaning products and it only made him feel even sadder for the man.

_You can scrub away the filth but never the guilt, Levi._

As he carefully walked closer to him, he noticed he was holding a glass of wine in that weird manner of his. There was an almost empty bottle on the desk nearby and Erwin wondered how drunk Levi was.

"What do you want, Commander? Got any orders for me?"

His usual careful speech was tainted by a faint slur.

_Quite drunk, I see. He's going to lash out at me._

Of course, now was the part where he would throw all the guilt he was feeling to the nearest person which so happened to be Erwin.

Erwin kept his tone gentle and low.

"I know what you're feeling, Levi."

"Tsk!"

Levi looked at him in the eyes for the first time since they returned. His gaze transmitted outrage.

"Stop pretending like you care, Erwin! They're gone! They're gone and they're not coming back!"

His voice seemed to crack at the end and he quickly looked back to the window. Erwin felt a spike of irritation but quickly reminded himself that Levi was just suffering too much.

"I am aware of that."

Levi "tsked" again and downed the rest of the wine in one gulp. He set the glass down near the ledge of the window and headed wordlessly towards the desk. Without hesitation, he grabbed the bottle and threw it at Erwin, hitting the wall behind him and missing miserably.

The Commander blinked and took a deep breath while Levi chuckled humorlessly.

"I missed."

Erwin crossed his arms and looked at him with pity. Levi held his gaze for some time before he looks away, his throat bobbing as he swallowed.

"Just leave me alone, Erwin…"

"No."

Levi's eyes widened. His entire body seemed to shake.

"Haven't you done enough? Don't you feel it too?"

His eyes seemed to search the other's for…anything. He walked towards Erwin in unsteady legs; the alcohol kicking in. He lunged at Erwin, fist aiming for the Commander's jaw but in his drunken state he only managed to miss again and fall down to the floor on his hands and knees. Erwin silently stared as sorrow completely overtook his Corporal's body. He was staring at the floor, silently muttering their names, his expression being as guarded as ever save for his slightly more narrowed eyes.

"Eld…Gunther…Oluo…Petra…Petra!"

And just like that, Erwin crumbled with him, falling to his knees beside him and hugging him close to his chest as Levi uttered their names over…and over again. They stayed like that for a few minutes, before Levi suddenly stopped and looked up at him. Erwin raised shakily a hand to his cheek, showing that he was affected too. He then lamely added.

"It's okay to cry, Levi…"

Levi scoffed and raised an eyebrow.

"I'm not drunk enough yet, Erwin."

The Commander felt himself snort. It was amazing how Levi could still bring a little bit of amusement at a time like this. His eyes soon landed on Levi's bed in front of them and he grunted as he pulled Levi up with him, somewhat dragging the small man to it. Noticing his intent, Levi laid down on the bed with a huff staring at Erwin with tired eyes.

The Commander started feeling a bit self conscious and cleared his throat as he made to leave. He was stopped though, as he felt the surprisingly warm grip of Levi's hand on his arm. His touch was always so cold and infuriatingly clean.

"Erwin…stay…please."

Erwin's eyebrow rose at that as he couldn't even imagine how much it must have cost to Levi saying that. Well…it might help that he was intoxicated but still.

So because of that effort, Erwin turned and sat down at the edge of the bed. They spent a few more comfortable minutes in silence, thinking, when Erwin broke it.

"Are you going to be okay?"

Levi, whose eyes had closed, opened one to look at him, his delicate lips set once again on their everlasting frown. Erwin felt a bit idiotic for that question. Levi's other eye opened to now stare at him openly before he simply shrugged.

"The only thing I can do…is make sure their deaths were not in vain…just like the others."

Erwin nodded before silence fell over them once again. Though this one felt tense for some reason.

"Erwin?"

"Yes?"

Levi gulped.

"Why are we alive?"

Erwin sighed before he stood up, his hand brushing his neat blonde hair. As his question was only met with silence once again, Levi turned his back to the Commander.

"I see…"

What was happening to them? The tension was now choking them both, threatening to take over their minds. They felt an intense anger and respect towards each other. The room felt cold and dead.

Knowing he would probably regret this later, Erwin laid down next to Levi on the bed and once again pulled him close to his strong chest. Levi could feel his beating heart, the strong _thump thump_ resonating in his ears, telling him that there was life after all. That for once, he was not alone. Their bodies were so close and Erwin noticed they both hadn't changed their clothes as they were still in their uniforms. The harnesses and tight material felt uncomfortable against their skin and they both winced. Erwin's hands automatically reached to undo the leather straps while Levi simply watched, his pale skin now tinted with a slight rosy blush. The alcohol was heating him up and his movements were sluggish as he tried to undo his own harness.

Erwin's boots followed and they fell softly on the floor. His eyes fell on Levi having difficulties with his attire and without thinking, Erwin reached to help him. Levi's hands stopped in mid air as he looked at Erwin with half lidded eyes. The Commander's face was inches away from his but his blue eyes were concentrated on his task. In the darkness Levi saw the sharpness of his features, the heavy weight of his duty wearing down on him, making him look older. Levi raised a hand and caressed his cheek, suddenly fascinated by the way Erwin flinched away, the way his eyes quickly shifted to his, silently questioning. He then looked at the always neat blonde hair and felt an urge to ruffle it, to wreak havoc on his perfection.

So he did.

Erwin couldn't contain a shiver as those delicate fingers carefully weaved through his hair, his usual hairstyle being undone almost sweetly. He could feel the beginnings of a hunger surging through his body, a hunger he hasn't felt for a long time. His life was dedicated to his duty; he didn't have time for such things.

So why was it happening now, in Levi's unconscious seduction?

_Stop. Levi…_

But he didn't stop. His emotionless gaze pierced his, his small lips parted and a tongue wetted them, inviting him. A click sounded as the last one of the leather straps was undone, Erwin's hands accidentally brushing Levi's inner thighs as he pulled them away. Levi's breath hitched and he blamed the alcohol when he shamelessly pulled Erwin's body on top his and wrapped his legs around his waist.

Erwin grunted and closed his eyes.

"Levi, you're drunk…"

The Corporal's arms were next as they wrapped around his shoulders and squeezed him closer. Erwin was careful to keep a little distance to not crush the smaller man and for his own sanity too. How long has it been since he had such a willing body underneath him like this? Levi's caresses were as intoxicating as the wine he could smell on the other's breath.

"Erwin…"

His name never sounded so good.

"Erwin…please…"

His eyes squeezed shut tighter as he tried to ignore the pitiful pleas the mighty Heichou had been reduced to. This didn't feel right. He hated seeing him like this.

"Just this once…"

_No…_

"We can pretend it never happened…"

Hearing that, Erwin felt a painful tug at his heart and a bitter taste in his mouth. The insistent roll of Levi's hips against his was slowly tearing away at his will. He shouldn't…but it felt so right. He just wanted this pathetic side of Levi gone.

He opened his eyes and as he faced Levi again, he felt himself fall limp. His lips brushed against the others, sighing at their softness. It was unfair how such a distant and cold person could make him feel so welcome in his embrace. Levi gave a small whimper and raised his head for a full kiss. They moved slowly, sensuously, before Erwin found it too much. He growled and pushed his tongue into Levi's mouth, tasting the alcohol and for once that didn't bother him anymore. His hands frantically pulled at Levi's clothes while the other clumsily tried to do the same to him. Soon, the smaller man was naked underneath him while he only had managed to get his shirt off. Levi's hands roamed his chest, leaving a trail of desire wherever they went. Erwin grunted and led the other's hands to his belt, helping him undo it before his pants and underwear followed, leaving him equally naked.

Erwin moaned softly at the feeling of their bare bodies touching and he allowed himself to caress the other's body. He found Levi nothing short of beautiful, pale skin and a sinewy lean frame. He was incredibly attractive, both for men and women.

His hips bucked as he felt the other's touch on his manhood, stroking him. He buried his face on the Corporal's neck, not bothering to retain his moans anymore while Levi panted in his ear. His hands trailed down the other's legs, spreading them wider as he raised himself to his knees. Levi released his grip on him and gripped the sheets as he groaned softly. Erwin started stroking him, his lust increasing as he watched Levi arch on the bed. Looking down, he swallowed before lowering himself and taking the other into his mouth.

"Shit!"

Levi brought a fist to his mouth and bit into it. His groans came out muffled as his Commander licked around his shaft before sucking. Erwin couldn't help but moan and the vibrations made Levi shiver and roll his hips wildly, taking himself deeper into the other's hot mouth. He was on the verge of orgasm before Erwin stopped, his mouth releasing him with a soft pop as he smirked at the frustrated whimpers coming from Levi. He brought three fingers to his own mouth and sucked them, making sure they were coated well in his saliva, before he brought them down the other's entrance. He circled around it, looking up at Levi's eyes. Levi "tsked" and looked away, giving a miniscule nod.

Erwin swallowed once again, as he pushed the first finger in and gasped at the heat and tightness enveloping him. Levi let out a pained groan as he took deep breaths, trying to relax. Erwin frowned in concern and tenderly wiped away the layer of sweat starting to form on Levi's forehead. Levi growled and slapped his hand away.

"Fuck…Erwin…just hurry up…"

Erwin's lips thinned and he started pumping his finger in and out, listening to Levi's heavy breathing and occasional groans.

"Urgh…it's been too long…"

Erwin frowned at that, the prospect of Levi doing this with someone else angering him for some reason. He sped up and Levi yelped in pain, his head raising a bit to look at him with slightly widened eyes. If Levi wanted him to hurry up, then there was no time to waste.

He soon added a second finger, pumping some more before scissoring. Levi's groans of pain were quickly rising in volume before his body had a violent spasm and a whole different kind of moan slipped out of his lips. It was loud, long and sultry.

"Oh fuck, Erwin, do that again…"

Eager to hear that moan again and again, Erwin added a third finger, ignoring the whimper of pain before searching for that heavenly spot. Levi's pale, muscled thighs trembled under the strain of pain and pleasure, a layer of sweat glistening in his body.

Entranced, Erwin's cock throbbed and he could not wait anymore. He removed his fingers and positioned himself between Levi's legs. He raised the other's hips slightly and poked at his entrance. Levi pulled him in for a kiss; their tongues stroking each other as Erwin slowly pushed himself in. Levi gave a loud gasp and threw his head back, his eyes squeezed shut and his nails clawed at Erwin's flexing shoulders. Erwin frowned and bit at his lip, as he sank halfway before pulling out slowly. Levi laughed breathlessly before moaning as Erwin pushed all the way in. They stayed still for a few seconds, gasping for air. Blonde wet strands stick on Erwin's forehead. So much heat…

Levi whimpered and moved his hips and Erwin started thrusting. His groans, Levi's pants and the creaking of the bed were the only sounds in the room.

"Yes…yes!"

Erwin sped up; Levi's moans and occasional cursing spurring him on, making him feel hotter. He had to relieve himself of this heat yet he felt like he could happily melt in it. His hands gripped Levi's hips, raising them a little more and hitting that spot just right. Levi's moans became higher pitched, his expression was one of pure bliss as he desperately clawed at the sheets, his hands in constant motion, not knowing what to do with them.

"Oh! Fuck…Erwin!"

_That's it…say my name…_

He made use of the other's flexibility and pushed his legs close to his chest, spreading him wider. Erwin's arms were on each side of Levi's head, shaking from the strain of holding himself up while wildly thrusting into him. Levi reached up and licked at his bobbing throat, releasing a moan of contentment. The slam of the headboard against the wall, the sound of skin slapping skin, their moans, their pants…it was just so much for Erwin. There were just too many details for this to be the most pleasurable night of his life yet.

The feeling of Levi's hands roaming his body.

"Erwin…"

The tight and unbearable coil burning up in his groin.

"Erwin…fuck…"

Their tongues dancing as they engaged in another fiery kiss.

"Erwin…!"

He had never felt so close to anyone.

"Levi!"

He groaned out that name and poured all his pleasure into it as his orgasm wrecked his body, his hips bucking uncontrollably into Levi. Levi flinched, his muscles hurting all over from being manhandled as he arched his back, reaching his own peak. Erwin grunted, thrusting harshly one more time before carefully letting himself fall on top of Levi, panting. Levi's legs relaxed and lowered on the bed. His arms enveloped Erwin's bulky torso and he sighed. His eyelids were starting to drop as exhaustion started taking over.

Erwin huffed before rolling away. He stared at the ceiling, hearing Levi moving beside him. Glancing at him, Levi's back was turned to him; his breathing slowing. It then hit Erwin full force what they just did.

He brought a hand to his face and wiped away the sweat. What was he going to do? So much fucked up shit going on and now he would have to deal with a possibly furious and hangover Levi tomorrow. Sighing, he turned and hesitatingly pulled Levi close to him, careful not to wake him. Though Levi was so out he doubted he was capable of waking him right now. He wrapped an arm around the other's waist, spooning him, and buried his face on his neck, breathing in the scent of Levi and sex combined. In his fantasies, he was sure he could gladly get used to the smell. He yawned, too tired to worry for his life at the moment. He would just have to wait for what was to come in the morning.

_"Why are we alive?"_

His eyes closed shut; Levi's question his last conscious thought before he gave in to the darkness of sleep.


	2. To Heal Him

Erwin woke up to the sound of chirping birds. His thoughts were a haze as the remnants of the best night of sleep he’s had in months slowly faded away. He felt refreshed and happy. He would give anything for every morning to be like this. He let out a satisfied groan as he stretched languidly before slowly opening his eyes. The brightness of the morning sun coming from the window momentarily blinded him and he rubbed his eyes, sighing. As the black dots faded away, his heart raced at the vision that greeted him.

A pair of grey narrowed eyes was staring back at him, his corporal’s naked body lying on his stomach almost lifelessly; sheets only covering him till the waist. A supple mouth was parted slightly, letting out small puffs of air.

Erwin gulped. Levi looked deliciously… _ravished_.

But then he remembered the circumstances that lead to such an enticing display and a chill ran up his spine.

"Erwin…"

His eyes darted to Levi’s face again, only to see now a pained expression; lips thinned and brows furrowed. He shifted his hips a bit and breathed out a curse.

"I feel like shit, Erwin."

Erwin blinked and suddenly realized that a mixture of a hangover and the soreness caused by their fornicating might not be the most pleasurable thing to wake up to. Not saying a word, Erwin leaned and helped Levi sit up. He hissed as his bottom made contact with the bed but did not say anything either. They awkwardly stared at each other for a few seconds until Levi looked away; the everlasting frown on his lips had returned. Not being able to take the silence anymore, Erwin cleared his throat uncomfortably. Levi sighed and gazed back at him.

"We’re both grown men, Erwin, I’m sure we don’t need to have the usual “what the fuck happened” conversation as it is pretty obvious."

Erwin nodded and rubbed the back of his neck, feeling a bit self conscious as Levi’s eyes followed his every move. He was not expecting this kind of response from Levi, in all honesty, he was expecting swords flying at his fleeing butt naked body. There was something different about Levi this morning and it felt permanent. There was a certain sadness in his gaze but overall he could see his hard and cold persona was back on. He didn’t seem to be waiting for any kind of response from Erwin either and that made his heart drop for some reason. Would Levi really make true to his word and pretend nothing happened?

Well…if he looked things on a professional side, it would be the best for both of them. Neither could have the luxury of occupying each other’s thoughts when their lives were at risk with every breath they took.

But still…there was a part of Erwin that had etched to his memory the sound of Levi’s voice in the throes of passion, the feel of his small agile body desperately pressing against his, the look on his face as he reached orgasm and made sure that Erwin knew it was his doing and his alone.

Erwin simply could not find it in himself to let that go. Not when he woke up feeling something he hasn’t felt for many years, next to someone that had _needed_ him. He wanted to make things right, if Levi would let him.

He was startled away from his thoughts as he heard another pained groan coming from Levi and he saw him rubbing at his ankle which looked horribly bruised and swollen. Erwin got up, not minding his own nudity and kneeled in front of Levi. Said man was giving him an annoyed look as if he knew what Erwin was going to say next.

"Levi, why did you not have this treated? Your ankle was obviously dislocated."

Levi “tsked”. He had snapped it back in place when they arrived and had ignored the almost mind numbing pain in favor of humoring the defeated soldiers. He had all forgotten about it as he drowned himself in wine afterwards.

"‘Tis fine…"

"No, it’s not, Levi. Don’t be so careless!"

Something in Levi snapped. The word _careless_ kept repeating itself in his mind, taunting him in Erwin’s voice. Images of brutally smashed bodies, faces that not a few days ago were happy and determined, flashed through his memory and a wave of nausea hit him. He ignored the hints of worry in his Commander’s frustrated tone and wrenched his ankle from the other’s careful grip, suppressing another gasp of pain as he did so. He glared at Erwin in an ultimate warning and when the other did nothing but stare back in confusion, he swung his good leg at his face, managing to knock him backwards. There were a few tense seconds of silence before Levi hurriedly got up and limped as fast as he could to pick up his clothes lying in the ground. He tried as hard as he could to ignore the larger uniform next to his and the slight pang in his chest as he locked himself inside the small luxury of a private bathroom, leaving his Commander lying alone in the floor.

Erwin blinked up at the ceiling, the pain in his jaw all but faded as the pain in his heart replaced it. Had he imagined the tenderness of Levi’s touch that night? The way he almost worshipped his Commander behind those delicate but strong hands?

Did it mean nothing but a drunken whim to Levi?

Erwin sighed, suddenly feeling ashamed. He was acting like a heart broken girl after a one night stand. Maybe it really was for the best if he just forgot all about it. Levi certainly looked like he had done so already. Yet the loneliness he had only noticed now had never felt greater.

He got up and quickly dressed. His uniform was wrinkled and his hands were slightly shaking as he put the leather gear straps back. He brushed a hand through his now messy hair and with a last long glance at the locked bathroom door he begrudgingly left. 

Time passed quickly. It was now dinner time and the soldiers were chatting in a respectable volume as they halfheartedly ate their bland meals. Their fighting spirit was slowly returning and their sorrow was turned into anger and determination to avenge their fallen comrades. They vaguely noticed the absence of both Corporal Levi and Commander Erwin but figured they both were probably very busy with the arrangement of their next expedition and maintenance of the Survey Corps. It was not unusual for them to skip meals.

Erwin was doing precisely that, having spent all day buried in paperwork and bureaucracy. The amount of pettiness and ill will from their suppliers filled him with enough disgust for him to be distracted from the slight heartache he was feeling. He had heard Levi had been gone all day, having last been seen in the stables before taking off in his horse. He couldn’t deny the apprehension he was feeling, as it was nightfall already and his Corporal hasn’t come back yet. He knew Levi was more than capable of protecting himself but he had as much hate as admiration towards him, especially after a devastating expedition such as this one where he had lost his entire squad. People were doubting his skills right now and malicious whispers were spread easily.

Now that Erwin’s thoughts were once again on Levi, he shoved his pen aside and buried his face in his hands. No way could he keep working in this state. His gaze drifted towards the largest bottom drawer in his desk where he kept a bottle of liquor but quickly shook his head against the idea. He would probably do something stupid if he indulged himself in alcohol right now.

He stood up and paced around a bit, mulling his options. He could stay in his office and try to continue working (even thought that seemed highly unlikely) or he could give in to his urge to see Levi and go look for him. The thought of Levi being gone for a day gave him a bitter taste in his mouth and his decision was made. He put on his winter coat since it was fairly cold outside and headed to the stables. Erwin was met with a few curious glances from the soldiers but they all saluted him with genuine respect and it lifted Erwin’s spirit a bit as he nodded back in return. It was good to know they would still follow him no matter what.

The cold wind of the night hit his face and he breathed in deeply. He was not very fond of riding at nighttime but the circumstances called for it. The stables were void of any human and the horses were quiet, probably sleeping. He felt a bit bad for disturbing his horse and he patted the animal’s muzzle affectionately. He mounted and rode off into the direction Levi had been seen going. The fast pace of his heart was caused by much more than the thrill of the ride.

The streets were eerily quiet. Levi never thought he would be in this part of the city ever again but here he was, the familiar filthy scent burning his nostrils. He hated this place with a passion yet he felt like he had nowhere else to go. He did not belong in the streets that maintained an illusion of cleanliness and which disgusting smells were constantly smothered by the expensive perfumes of rich assholes. Their luxury both infuriated him and intimidated him. He also recently found out that he did not belong in his own quarters either, at the Survey Corps. The once comfortable room felt suffocating and his bed constantly reminded him of strong hands and lustful blue eyes. How could he look Erwin in those eyes ever again?

Levi sighed and leaned against a wall, rubbing his eyes tiredly. He heard a faint chuckle reverberating against the walls of the narrow alley and he immediately tensed. He cursed under his breath. He really was not in the mood for a fight. There was the sound of footsteps coming closer and he let his hand fall limp at his side as he gave the illusion of being relaxed. He looked at the three filthy looking men leering at him with a bored look and raised an eyebrow. The tallest one walked closer to him, attempting to loom over him and use his height to intimidate him. Levi’s lips thinned but he didn’t move. He already knew how these things worked, having done so himself before Erwin caught him.

Noticing the smaller man’s ease, the thug gave a boisterous laugh and his lackeys imitated him right after with smaller malicious chuckles.

“Looks like the rumors about Humanity’s Strongest were true after all!”

He shuffled closer, his horrible scent making Levi twist his nose in repulsion.

“To think the Survey Corps was so desperate to even accept a little street rat like ya! Tell me, what did ya do?”

Levi grinded his teeth together, his hands clenching into fists.

“Did ya suck the Commander’s dick? I bet you did… anything to get out of this shit hole, heh?”

The man’s hot, foul breath hit his face and Levi fought the urge to retch as the other’s gaze swept down his body lecherously. His tone lowered down to a rough, oily timbre.

“Ya here to _recruit_ us too?”

Levi gave a small grunt, having quite enough. He punched the man’s stomach which made him double over in pain and then harshly grabbed the filthy hair before lifting a muscled thigh and hitting his forehead with his knee, knocking the larger man unconscious. His gaze shifted to the wide eyed lackeys before they put on a face of fake bravado and foolishly charged at him. He caught the fist going straight at his face and twisted the wrist, making the man cry out, before sweeping a leg towards the back of the other’s knees effectively knocking him into the ground. He suddenly felt an arm trapping him by his neck and another restraining his arms. He struggled a bit but froze as the other squeezed his throat harder. Levi mentally cursed for having been distracted from the other lackey. His ankle was throbbing and he let out a small groan in pain while the stupid oaf behind him chuckled, probably not believing he had restrained the so called Humanity’s Strongest while his comrades lied unconscious and bloody on the ground.

He had been weighing his options on how to escape when suddenly the pressure on him was gone and there was a cry of pain followed by the sound of a body hitting the ground. He turned and his eyes widened slightly in surprise to find Erwin there, fists clenched and breathing heavily. His blue eyes met his grey ones and his breath hitched. The second lackey joined his comrades in the land of the unconscious. He saw Erwin take a deep breath before he looked away to find both his and the Commander’s horse.

“I found your horse not very far away from here so I figured you were close.”

He looked back at Erwin with an unreadable expression on his face. What should he say? Should he thank him? He could have handled the situation just fine, it was not like it was the first time someone held him down like that. Yet there was something endearing in the way Erwin looked slightly out of breath, how his fists were still clenched as if wanting to beat some more sense into the thug, how he searched Levi’s face and body for any injuries before giving a small sigh in relief. Levi nodded and headed towards his horse, feeling Erwin’s eyes on him all the time. He mounted and looked away, not finding in himself to look at the other yet.

“I’m fine. Let’s just get out of here.”

He knew Erwin wanted to know more, would demand to know more but he also knew that his Commander had never been happier to hear such words.

The ride back to the barracks was silent and tense. Both men had something to say yet neither would be the first to say it. Erwin would steal glances at his Corporal’s face once in a while, noting how his features looked tired and drained. The pale skin looked sickly in the moonlight and the dark circles under his eyes were bigger. When they arrived, they wordlessly tucked their horses into their respective stalls, making sure to give them affectionate pets on their muzzles and silent promises of treats the next day. The hallways were empty as no doubt the soldiers were all sleeping in their beds by now. When they passed through Levi’s room, they both stopped. The Corporal’s lips thinned as he went to open the door but a hand caught his wrist. He looked up and noticed how nervous his Commander sounded.

“Why don’t you join me in my room for a moment, Levi?”

Levi pondered against it but he noticed the slight plea in Erwin’s request so he guessed it was the least he could after the trouble he had caused him. He nodded and followed him to the other’s room.

Erwin’s room was large but not too luxurious. It had the essentials, like a bed and a wardrobe and also a wall rack where he saw Erwin’s swords carefully placed, shining. It was also pretty neat and that made Levi inwardly purr in appreciation. There was the sound of the door clicking softly shut behind him and Erwin plopped down on the sofa. Levi raised an eyebrow at him as the other patted the seat next to him, inviting him. He calmly sat down maintaining a relatively respectful distance between them. Levi noticed just how comfortable the sofa was and couldn’t help but relax into it, the stress of the day and the pain from his now bandaged ankle having taken its toll on his mood. He could feel Erwin’s gaze on him and he sighed. He hadn’t realized he had closed his eyes and he opened them.

“Levi.”

The Corporal glanced at him sideways before quickly looking down at the floor. Erwin shifted and he was embarrassed at how his shoulders jumped slightly when the other’s thigh pressed against his.

“Look at me.”

Levi’s lips pressed together in a thin line.

“ _Please._ ”

He blinked and it was as if that word alone had baffled him enough to forget just why he wouldn’t look at his Commander. Erwin hummed and licked at his dry lips.

“Why did you…go back to that place?”

Levi sighed. He had been dreading the moment Erwin would start asking questions. Talking about his feelings was something Levi just did not do. But he felt the need to at least appease Erwin so he might as well try.

“I…”

The way Erwin’s posture tensed in anticipation, the way he leaned in close to him as if he the sound of his voice right now was the only thing he wanted to hear, had Levi melting a bit inside. There was the threat of even a smile on his lips but he quickly brushed that off.

“I just felt…I had nowhere else to go. I guess it was out of habit.”

Erwin’s face fell as if he had dreaded that answer. He knew he was one of the reasons why Levi felt like that and he couldn’t forgive himself. He had truly been foolish. He should have stopped Levi that night, should have left him tucked safely in his bed and, most of all, he shouldn’t have surrendered to Levi’s drunken caresses and pleas. He had lost all reason and that was unacceptable for a man of his rank. He should have been his Corporal’s support, something that Levi had desperately needed at that time and instead he had taken advantage of that moment of weakness for his own selfish and perverted desires.

He had to regain that trust. To salvage their relationship as much as possible.

“Erwin…?”

“It was not your fault.”

He heard Levi’s breathe itch and he tried to shift away but Erwin held his wrist, pulling him a bit closer and looking into the other’s grey widened gaze.

“It was not your fault, Levi. No matter what you could have done, you couldn’t save them. They fought by their own will- “

“Erwin, stop…”

“-and they perished for the cause they have sworn to die for.”

Erwin closed his eyes as he couldn’t stand to see the sneer in Levi’s face nor the beginning of wetness forming in his eyes.

“You’re such a piece of shit, Erwin.”

He looked at Levi, who was now standing. His fists were clenched at his sides and his voice rose slightly as he continued.

“Of course everything is alright to you. Everything is alright because they died for Humanity. They died for the worthless vermin down in the Underground-“

Levi’s voice cracked slightly. Erwin truly hated himself.

“-and they died for the disgusting pigs behind Wall Sina.”

Erwin wanted to defend himself but he knew Levi needed this. He stayed still and waited patiently for the dam to break, for his Corporal’s trembling body to succumb to all the bottled up emotion.

“You probably don’t even care when you’re writing the letters to their families! You just tell yourself and them that everything is fucking alright because their sons and daughters died for fucking Humanity even if we actually can’t do shit most of the time!”

Erwin’s hands curled into fists and his jaw tightened. If he were a weaker man he would have stood up and struck Levi on the spot for saying such things. To think this was really how Levi felt, how little faith he had in him, was heartbreaking. The words stung more than anything but he owed Levi this relief.

He was now mocking the way those letters always began.

“ _We regret to inform you that your son/daughter/wife/husband/whatever_ _bravely gave his/her life for Humanity…”_

Erwin sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. It has always been this way, he was just following protocol. He almost wanted to say that it was not like the kids didn’t know what they were getting themselves into but he feared that would only demean himself even more in Levi’s eyes. He was already a bastard; he did not want to be a son of a bitch.

But then he saw one singly stray tear running down Levi’s flushed cheek. The other didn’t seem to even notice as he was too engaged in his own fury. But Erwin couldn’t find it in himself to ignore that. He had never seen Levi shed tears. Never. And he didn’t want to.

Never again.

“Fuck you, Erwin! You’re a-!?”

Levi’s rant was quickly shut up by a pair of lips pressing passionately against his. Erwin’s long and strong arms enveloped the other’s waist tightly and Levi struggled against him, even so far as shoving at him and punching his chest hard. Erwin winced slightly as the force of the hits would surely leave bruises but he was certain that if he let go, everything would be lost. Eventually, Levi tired and his arms laid limp at his sides as small whimpers escaped him. He let himself be kissed, almost devoured by the urgency in Erwin’s lips. There was something irresistible in the way his Commander kissed. He would have always imagined him as a calculative kisser, someone who kissed with a perfected technique and had pleasure in making the other melt against the heat of their experience. But right now Erwin was a thirsty man and Levi was his water. The way he nipped and sucked at his lips was passionate and desperate yet oddly reassuring. It made Levi’s thoughts haze in a cloud of steam and he could feel the beginnings of arousal softly prickling down his body. He hated himself for being so easy, for falling into Erwin’s web once again. It was always like this. Erwin always had the upper hand.

Their lips finally parted with Erwin tugging lightly at Levi’s bottom lip. Their half lidded gazes searched each other, drinking in their disheveled states.  Levi groaned and hid his face into the other’s broad chest, inhaling his rich scent and feeling his body lax. He raised his arms and gripped tightly at Erwin’s shoulders.

“You’re a son of a bitch, you know.”

Erwin couldn’t help but smile at that. If Levi needed him to be a son of a bitch then he would be one. He accepted the fact that Levi had him wrapped around his finger just as much as he had Levi, even if the other didn’t know it yet. He nuzzled his face into the thin, elegant neck and breathed a quiet sigh. Together they gave each other the sort of peace they haven’t had in a long, long time. He pressed the small body tighter against his and laid small reverent kisses along his neck and down to his shoulders. Levi was shivering in delight and his skin was littered with goose bumps as he leaned his head slightly backwards. Large hands started moving slowly, caressing narrow hips and their breaths quickened. Erwin raised his head and placed small tender kisses all over Levi’s face as he started unbuttoning the other’s shirt. Levi caressed his chest before doing the same as he hummed in contentment for the almost adorable attention his face was getting. It was obvious Erwin was trying to make up for the other night, going slow and considerate even if it was a bit frustrating.

Their shirts fell to the floor and they locked tight in an embrace. Erwin gripped the back of Levi’s thighs and hoisted him up as the other automatically wrapped his legs around his waist. He leaned down and captured those soft lips once again and headed towards the bed. He sat Levi down and kneeled between his legs. Levi raised an eyebrow, a blush in his cheeks at seeing him in such a position. His Commander leaned in and kissed down his clothed thighs before carefully taking off his boots, paying extra attention to Levi’s injured ankle. He pressed a kiss there too and Levi’s toes wiggled in his socks. There was a certain sadness in Erwin’s eyes as he did so and Levi tilted his chin up gently with his foot. He nodded for him to continue and Erwin soon removed his socks, pants and underwear. He laid a hand on Levi’s chest and pushed him down. He heard the soft rustling of clothes before Erwin crawled over his Corporal’s body equally naked. Levi licked his lips as he took the time to admire Erwin’s physique, so much larger than his. Erwin’s body was his fortress.

He was pulled into another kiss, felt the other’s tongue prod into his mouth and he let out a small moan. Erwin suddenly rolled so that now Levi was on top of him and their kiss broke. Levi shifted his hips and bit his bottom lip as his cock rubbed against Erwin’s. Those large hands gripped tight at his hips and a tremor ran down their bodies. Levi gave a few experimental thrusts before sliding down between Erwin’s legs until he was facing his manhood. He took the time to admire it before giving a few strokes, Erwin’s heated gaze on him. He felt a hand caressing his hair and he leaned in giving a deliciously long lick along the other’s shaft. He found it slightly humorous the way Erwin’s eyes widened at him and how his hips buckled suddenly.

“Levi…”

Levi shivered at hearing his name being uttered so sinfully. He decided to playfully answer.

“What do you want, Erwin?”

He gave tiny licks around the head and held Erwin’s hips down when they started thrusting up a bit more roughly. He heard Erwin hiss and he shivered.

“I want you to suck my cock.”

Levi moaned in surprise, not expecting his Commander always so eloquent speech tainted by such foul words. In other words, he was incredibly aroused by hearing that voice saying dirty words and wondered if he could encourage Erwin into saying more. So he opened his mouth and sucked the head, licking around the slit, all the while keeping his eyes on Erwin’s delicious expressions. The blonde moaned throatily and a few curses slipped his lips, making Levi’s cock twitch.

“More…Levi!”

And Levi was happy to oblige, relaxing his throat to accommodate half of Erwin’s girth before his gag reflex kicked in. He bobbed his head, the slurping sound reverberating across the room and stroked what he couldn’t reach with his mouth. Erwin was a panting, groaning mess after a few minutes, always pleading for more and fingers petting the other’s hair in appreciation. Levi moaned himself, the sight being too much to bear and he snaked a hand around his own dick, pumping in the same rhythm he sucked Erwin. Soon, his Commander’s groans were becoming longer and urgent and Levi increased the pace, ignoring his aching jaw.

“Oh… _fuuuck_ …Levi! I’m going to…going to…”

_Yes, please, Erwin. Please give it to me…_

Levi wanted to voice his own thoughts but he didn’t want to take his mouth off Erwin so instead he answered with a sultry moan and Erwin’s hips slammed up into his mouth, shoving his entire cock into the other’s mouth and Levi was teary eyed as he gagged.  He gave a messy slurp as he sucked back up and glanced up at Erwin who was giving him an apologetic look. The hand in his hair trailed downwards and caressed his cheek and Levi leaned towards it, nuzzling it.

It only took a few more sucks before Erwin was suddenly stilling, moaning deeply and releasing into Levi’s mouth. He could hear Levi swallowing and his body slumped boneless into the bed, mattress creaking under his weight. He raised his head as Levi’s mouth left him and saw the smaller man pumping his own length desperately. Erwin growled and yanked on Levi’s arm, rolling and pulling him beneath him. Levi opened his mouth to protest at being manhandled but it was quickly replaced by a moan as Erwin’s hand jerked him off vigorously. He didn’t last long and he was soon releasing into the other’s hand with a satisfied, shaky sigh.

They panted and Erwin rolled onto his back once more. Levi rested his head on his chest and they spent a couple of comfortable minutes in silence as they came down from their highs. Levi placed a small kiss in Erwin’s left pectoral where he could hear the now calming heartbeat of his Commander, as soothing as he could remember from that night.

“Erwin?”

Erwin hummed, breathing deeply and feeling more content than he has ever remembered being.

“Thank you. Truly. I…really needed this…”

And Erwin knew that sex wasn’t the only thing Levi was referring to. His only answer was a loving kiss on the top of his head and Levi looked up, making a face as if not being able to bear so much sweetness. Erwin chuckled and soon Levi’s breathing was shallow, indicating that he was asleep.

_“Why are we alive?”_

Erwin closed his eyes and snuggled closer to Levi. He did not know the answer to Levi’s question but he did know that he would keep fighting for every breathing second.

He would heal any wound.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There! Now it’s really done! And now I’m going to sleep because it’s freaking 4 AM xD Once again, hope you liked it! <3

**Author's Note:**

> Aaaaand it's done! This is actually my first yaoi lemon so I hope I didn't do too badly. I tried to keep it in character as much as possible so it turned out to be a bit long. I think this is my longest lemon yet xD Chapter 2 will be ready soon! Hope you liked it! ^-^


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